Yes, I’m a Therapist. No, I’m Not Emotionally Prepared for this First Date

“You’re really cute, and I’m having a blast on this date. So, tell me – what do you do for a living?”

Ah, the dreaded question every therapist prays to avoid on dates…and yes, even on airplanes. The moment it drops, our brains go into full spin mode, juggling a cocktail of perfectly snarky comebacks like:

“I’m a therapist-and spoiler alert, I’ve been psychoanalyzing you since we sat down.”

“I’m a Chaos Coordinator” (because therapist sound too boring)

“I’m a therapist, so if you wanna spill your trauma, I’ll need an informed consent form signed, your insurance card, and a credit card on file- no exceptions.”

“I’m a therapist. Totally get it if you want to run now.”

“I work in healthcare…ish.”

And my personal favorite: “I’ve been talking way too much. Tell me about your job.” Trust me, those deflection skills come in handy outside of the therapy room too.

Look, I’m not ashamed of being a therapist- I am proud as hell! But dating as a therapist? Sweetheart, it’s like bringing a couch to a nightclub- awkward, out of place, but oddly fascinating. For some people, dating a therapist is basically signing up for a lifetime subscription to “Therapist Mode,” the ever-on phenomenon where we’re always analyzing, always observing, and never just…chill.

“Therapist Mode” – the mythical assumption people make the second you drop your job title. Look, I won’t lie, it’s damn near impossible not to slip into therapist mode: diagnosing communication glitches, decoding emotional drama, and serving up unsolicited solutions like it’s our side hustle. But trust me, just because we can analyze the heck out of every convo doesn’t mean we do…especially on a damn first date.

Just like the poor soul sitting across from us, we’re freaking terrified on the first date too. Our hearts are doing backflips, our brains are spiraling, and every text leading up to the date gets dissected like it’s a state licensing exam. We’re out here thinking, “Damn, he’s hot,” followed immediately by, “What if I say something dumb and he ghost-runs for the exit?” Then there’s the outfit panic: “Should I have worn something sexier? Smarter? Less like a therapist trying not to look like a therapist?” And of course, the classic: “I’m gonna say one weird thing and he’s gonna dip, leave me with the check, and tell his group chat I gave off ‘emotionally intense’ vibes.” The internal chaos is real, babe.

And yes, while we’re busy catastrophizing in high definition, we’re somehow still expected to look effortlessly cool, emotionally balanced, and low-key irresistible? Please. We’re one awkward laugh away from calling our therapist mid-date.

So yeah, we might be therapists- trained, licensed, and well-versed in the human psyche-but that doesn’t mean we’ve hacked the chaos of first dates. We still sweat through our shirts, second-guess our jokes, and panic-text/call our best friend afterwards. The truth? Behind all the “therapist mode” mystique is just a human hoping they don’t accidently trauma-bond over appetizers.

So, the next time you ask us what we do for a living, just know: we may be analyzing, but we’re also hoping you’ll laugh at our jokes, like our weird quirks, and maybe- just maybe- stick around long enough to see us finally relax.

Therapist or not, we’re all just out here looking for someone who makes us forget to overthink…and maybe remember how to flirt like we didn’t Google how beforehand. If you can quiet my brain and make me blush? Babe, that’s not just chemistry- that’s clinical progress.